fight of faith (♥)

it's easier to believe the lie than to not believe the truth.

it's simpler to give up now than to wait till you're too far gone.

it's better to have loved and lost. (than to never love at all)

it seems like everyone is having the same problems.

life just doesn't make sense anymore.

i have friends who turn to me for help.

but i don't find anyone that i can turn to.

i listen to them, and their problems become mine, too;

but who can i talk to?

i socialize, but there's no connection between me and others.

i feel like i'm carrying too much, but who can i get help from?

God.

everyone says that. I say that.

but I keep praying and waiting,

but nothing happens. He doesn't show.

i confide to Him, but i need a human to talk to,

someone who understands;

someone who can talk to me when I need;

someone I can fall back into.

and I haven't found that someone... yet.

the 90/10 principle.

90% of life is dependant on how I react.

but how should I react?

I don't even know how I should feel now.

it's not love. that's all i'm sure of.

i'm clinging on to something that's foreign to me.

something that keeps me sane now.

something that I know isn't good in the long run.

but is short term bliss worth the long term sacrifice?

it's more like an emotional whirlpool than a roller coaster of life.

it's like all the feelings mixed together, but in the center it's empty.

if the core is empty, is the show of emotions outside just a facade?

is life, afterall, just one big act?

is the lie better than the truth, does it hurt less? (when you know that it's just a lie)

is it truly easier to give up now? (and later find out that you gave up all your chances)

is it really better to have loved (and lost) than to be loved?

i'm starting to see less of the lie and more of the truth.

it doesn't feel good. that's for sure.

it's like tearing apart your whole world and constructing a new one,

because the old one was built on lies.

"hello, I'm your old best friend, your tailor and the person you'd share late night messages with. Until you started to fall asleep and until I started letting you slip between my fingers. I want to love somebody. I might, I might not.

Like you might die in a plane accident, get knocked down by a car, jump out a window or get run over by a train tomorrow or the next day.

Or I might not.

I think I'm starting to see where "it's better to be loved than to love" fits in. But I want to love someone. I won't, I will. I really don't know anymore. I was convinced I would. Now, I don't think so anymore. Because and I'm selfish and if I don't love, you don't get to love either, my future lover or none. I'm sorry if you aren't satisfied with that answer.

Sometimes, I wonder what it's like to be loved.

Sometimes, I wonder what it's like to love."

i quote Deborah, because I couldn't put it into words better.

&is this all in my head?

i don't know what to think.

in case you were wondering:

http://gleez.com/articles/management/the_90/10_principle

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Winter's_Tale#Synopsis

http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-story-lyrics-taylor-swift.html

Labels: feelings, thoughts

written on
1:31 PM