fight of faith (♥)

my daddy bought a camera.

for himself.

he bought 2 waterbottles.

for my siblings.

he bought a massager.

for my mum.

he bought nothing for me.

kay fine.

maybe the camera i wanted was too ex.

maybe the shirts i wanted were too fancy.

maybe getting contacts will kill my eyes.

maybe everything i did wasn't up to standard.

maybe you didn't see what i'm doing.

spent the morning filing my notes.

my dad said: "today must be a special day. she's actually cleaning up"

thanks for not seeing when i cleared my room completely last holiday.

thanks for having the whole wrong side of me.

christle wanted a nike bottle.

you said okay even though mum said no.

you got it for her.

joven wanted that toy thing.

you said okay even though mum said no.

you got it for him.

i wanted a t900.

you brought me to see it.

you got yourself a camera.

in front of me.

and then said 'no. i'm not getting you a camera because i'm broke'.

and then we went to buy a massager for mum.

and then we came home, and i got scolded.

for not cleaning my room.

sure. i'm the free-est person on earth.

unlike you.

to say it doesn't hurt will be a lie.

to say i feel sad would be an understatement.

hey.

sorry for ap-ing you this afternoon.

i guess you have to try to understand,

i can't delph any deeper.

i can't involve myself further.

because everytime i give my heart and soul to help someone,

i end up killing myself.

because everytime i trust someone to be there for me to fall back into,

i end up being backstabbed, and falling into nothing.

because i'm selfish.

i don't want to keep helping people, when i don't have anyone helping me.

because i can't truly say that i want you 2 to be okay again.

because i'm a teenager,

everything seems like death to me.

Labels: emo, family, feelings, friends, supernova

written on
4:59 PM