fight of faith (♥)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

QUOTE "I miss you. I miss incomprehendible happiness. I miss going crazy."

Kellie's display message got me missing loads of stuff.

I miss hanging out at awesome places.

I miss doing weird stuff.

I miss pissing off shop assistances by playing with the items.

I miss quarreling over which movie to watch.

I miss deciding whether or not to buy that sinful combo for the movie.

I miss skating on ice.

I miss dragging people into neoprints machines.

I miss chalets where the people never sleep.

I miss gossiping about people who we barely knew.

I miss sharing food over lunch.

I miss online messaging.

I miss talking about stupid stuff that nobody cared about.

i miss so many things, it doesn't really anymore.

Labels: emo, epiphany

written on
9:56 PM

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

i'm hurting to see you hurt.

and i have no idea where this shit is coming from.

Labels: emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, notes, rants, supernova

written on
6:28 PM

Sunday, September 6, 2009

echoes

i really don't know what to do anymore.

couldn't sleep until 1am last night:

there were shivers down my spine and screaming in my head.

honestly, i have no idea what's happening, but sometimes, i wish i could just quit this whole thing.

so from 2300 to 0100 i was just lying on the bed,

tossing and turning and praying and trying to get the screaming out,

but it didn't really work and i fell asleep cos of exhaustion.

i'm really scared there'll be a relapse tonight.

missed church today cos i forgot to charge my phone in the chaos last night,

and so the alarm didn't ring.

went to tampines with family,

bought paper to make your birthday card.

i don't know how to say sorry to you,

because you really ought to say sorry to me too.

Labels: /:, bored, church, emo, epiphany, family, feelings, friends, happy, notes, pissed, prayers, sj, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
11:00 PM

Saturday, September 5, 2009

untold truths and halfway beliefs

today was semi-awesome.

training was really fun, but i'm really sorry for pissing you guys off ):

today just didn't start right.

and i really don't like people interupting me.

ah i don't know.

it's just that i think the seniors are right and everyone else thinks that they are wrong.

and i don't know how to disagree with them and still see eye to eye with them.

rt without after training rants to haonan just doesn't work out well.

and i think my love for standard ones doubled today haha.

because their popquiz answer was damn cute.

and when you strip away their irritatingness/shyness/quietness,

they're all really just who we were.

and that's pretty comforting, i guess.

(i just wish that you can see it too)

quote that stuck during FA: "YOU ALL MUST BE SCIENTIFIC OKAY?"

haha. meaning no "jaw, shoulder blade, shin" and stuff haha.

post training lunch with daniel & yongsheng:

DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER EVM UPSIZE WITH VARYING PREFERENCES

haha. aweeeeesome :D

then rushed to lido to meet kellie & pearl and watched G-force 3D

pretty good show, and Shaw is my favefavefave theatre now haha.

(+ Time traveller's wife & Alice in Wonderland with Deborah)

(+ many other awesome movies coming out :D)

then sakae dinner + extra large food hahahaha.

you have to see it to know how funny it actually is lol.

and i'm damn bloody tired now):

Labels: /:, clique, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, goals, happy, homework, notes, pissed, random, rants, school, sj, smc1, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
11:24 PM

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

past friends, present friends

i have reasons aplenty to hate you,

to disclose your secrets,

to make you look bad;

but the only reason i don't is that otherwise,

my present friends might leave.

and that's why it hurts so bad.

because it's not you who's hurting me,

it's their ignorance that hurts.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, notes, supernova, thoughts

written on
10:00 PM

Monday, August 31, 2009

restless minds & tired souls

christine's feeling slightly sad.

i don't know why i mind so much,

but it seems like the people i love have been letting me down a lot these days.

i'm sorry i lie, i'm sorry i'm a liar, i'm sorry i lied.

i'm afraid of being alone.

i miss 6A'06/P6 clique/proper conversations with xl

yes, i'm a sucker for nostalgia.

Labels: /:, clique, emo, epiphany, feelings, FREAKED OUT BY BC, friends, notes, random, school, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
10:37 PM

a little high on sugar

today was okay until the concert,

and not okay until swensens buffet @ ION Orchard.

not bitching about why ;)

haha. i love wuyue.

she makes me happy and high and lets me bitch about everyone :D

met mira at Swensens.

like after soooooooo long.

i miss her haha.

happy (really) belated 16th, dear.

in a very good mood now cos of the ice cream.

ice cream + shopping makes me high! hahahaha.

i'm not letting the past get into me;

i shot alice in the head.

beat that, bitch :)

Labels: clique, emo, epiphany, friends, happy, supernova, tired, wants

written on
9:15 PM

never so happy; never so sad

Pixel Post:

Teachers Day 09 @ DHS + Swensens @ ION Orchard

----------

more @http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=607767709

friends only ;)

wordy post after my shower, i stink now haha oops.

Labels: /:, clique, emo, friends, happy, notes, photos, random, school, supernova, tired

written on
7:36 PM

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

promised pixels. xoxo

saved this as draft last night and forgot to post it.

i'm tired of seeing all my friends walk ahead of me and never turning back.

life's just one long rat race, ain't it?

it's just running to have the highest popularity, having the bests friends.

studying at the best college, getting the best job.

it's really putting me off that the people i trust are the people i should beware most,

and that best friends are those you don't know well.

ah, it's just one big confusing concept that i don't want to understand.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, supernova, thoughts

written on
9:59 PM

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Storyteller: truths, lies & in betweens

it's like trying to get a picture out of your head, but never getting it right.

it's like finding the right words, but using it the wrong way.

it's like confiding to a friend, and hearing him spread the rumours.

it's like being confident for a test, but seeing the failing results.

it's like seeing the world in black and white, but ommiting the grey areas.

it's like searching for your greatest desire, and finding out that it's been with you the whole time.

it's like singing your favourite song, and realising that you got the lyrics all wrong.

it's like solving a math equation, but using the wrong formulae.

it's like dancing with an injured ankle; writing with an inkless pen;

it's like spelling without alphabets; talking in different tongues.

it's like i'm the storyteller, telling the truths, lies and in betweens.

-----

today's a plain boring day.

and people got me thinking bout love.

Labels: /:, bored, emo, epiphany, notes, poem, random, sick, thoughts, tired

written on
10:03 PM

Sunday, August 9, 2009

slightly salted tears

i'm feeling so much better now after that good long cry.

i wasn't even crying for me, hell, i was crying for the broken hearted.

for those who were here and then left,

for those who left and came back,

for those who never said goodbye.

i haven't felt such a clear head for so long:

life's been a real bad tease these days - i always had to be the person everyone expects me to be, and i'm afraid to fall of their expectations, though i'm tempted to just blow my cover.

there's been too much deception, too many lies;

so much indecisiveness, so many wrong choices.

but now, it seems clear that it doesn't matter what everyone else says or does.

i am me. no one can change that, not the people who backstabbed, not the people who left, not even the dear voice in my head that keeps shouting the worse thoughts out.

it seems as though i killed that voice.

and i have no idea whether that's a good thing.

i kinda miss those serious heart-to-heart talks i have with xl:

the ones where i'm crying here, and i know he's there to make me smile.

the ones where i could embarass myself real bad and know he won't bring it up ever again.

the ones where i never had to pretend to be okay.

but we all have to grow up and move on, don't we?

we all have to pick up the pieces and try to fix them back together.

we all have to leave a part of us to grow a new one.

it hurts, but it's for the better, i guess.

so here's saying goodbye to the fuckers that left because they were afraid of the consequences of their mindless actions.

here's saying goodbye to those that never said goodbye.

here's picking myself up from the ground, and not looking anywhere but away from you.

i'm not sorry even if you are.

you deserve everything, it might not be coming, but i believe someday, everything would come to light.

just you wait, my dear,

because revenge was never meant to be taken directly: it comes in separate doses.

Labels: BOF, clique, emo, epiphany, fangirl, feelings, friends, goals, happy, jihoo, notes, pissed, poem, prayers, rants, sick, sj, supernova, thoughts, wants

written on
12:22 AM

Sunday, August 2, 2009

You're my Prince of Peace

like a child letting go of a helium balloon:

we thought we had it all,

clenching the little ribboned string in our tiny fists,

thinking we'll never let go of this tiny piece of happiness in our hands.

and then something happens that makes us loosen that death clench,

and up goes the balloon, flying higher and higher and higher.

further from our grasps, rising above our heads;

losing that happiness we had.

but, like a child, we never stay sad for long - something else will distract us, all too soon.

that was POP'09.

in that five hours, our instructors left us,

but there wasn't time to feel sad because now there's instructorhood to keep us busy.

and it's suddenly all too big a responsibility.

yes, i love the standard ones, but i don't know. it's an awful load for me.

but i'll try to keep the balloon in my hands this time round.

with little, childish innocence,

(shall i view the world:)

no more tinted glasses nor kaleidoscopes.

things shall be as they seem.

no more extra imagination,

nor a little too much consideration.

no, no more.

signing off with just a little faith, trust and pixie dust.

(God be with me.)

Labels: church, clique, emo, epiphany, family, goals, photos, school, sj, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
9:55 PM

deleted.

all my pictures are gone.

because it failed to copy into my desktop.

and i deleted the photos in shunbin's camera.

and my uncle cleared his recycle bin.

i could just die now.

there were loads of awesome pictures in that batch of photos ):

and it hurts more than losing 100 bucks or something.

it's like all my effort + memories are gone.

and i really really really liked that batch of photos.

Labels: /:, emo, feelings, notes, photos, prayers, rants, supernova, tired, wants

written on
9:22 PM

Friday, July 31, 2009

So thank you for showing me,

That best friends can not be trusted.

i went to school in a very good mood.

because i seriously thought that it'll be better; that friends do make life much happier.

and then the day went spiralling downhill straight after flag raising.

i guess it's just another day of being me.

the piece of the puzzle that never quite fits.

and the worse part is it really hurts trying to make myself fit/seeing people try to make me fit.

because deep inside, we all know it's not possible.

because deep inside, there's always this little nagging voice that says you're not good enough.

y'know when they say things change? they're lying.

things don't change. circumstance does.

the way things happen don't change. the people who do it; they way that they do it change.

and reactions don't change. don't learn that the hard way.

don't regret things after they happen.

i'm sorry.

i guess things would have been better if i wasn't there.

i guess sometimes, i have to acknowledge that i'm not that visible.

i guess i'm getting my prayer answered: to get closer to God. but i didn't expect to get it through broken heartedness.

skimmed through the rest of the day through lenses.

i should have paid more attention.

i should have taken the initiative.

i should have just left.

alice shouldn't have came.

-----

after school was... bearable?

had lunch with wuyue, discussed some stuff with haihua.

and then my skirt got caught by ms lee/li.

like fuck. it's my worst day ever in school, and my skirt got caught for being 2cm too short.

was i supposed to expect it? i guess so, given the day's karma.

so yeah. i got booked for the first time in my three years in dunman.

and ms lee went down into the trenches of teachers who i think are unreasonable.

i mean, other people actually get a chance before they get booked.

and wala! first time i meet her in 2 years, i had to get booked.

fucker.

then finished up Benny cards with juniors.

got a phone call from haihua saying that i was year 1 parade commander.

like woah. 5 minutes before i left school my role changed from photographer to commander.

and i couldn't stay to practice.

and i really don't want to screw things up tomorrow.

i've screwed up enough today.

took the mrt with wuyue.

didn't talk much.

didn't feel cheerful enough for idle chat.

doesn't it feel like life's too short to waste it on such stuff?

that sometimes we should just let go of more things and go a little crazy?

that sometimes, that all we need to do.

i guess i learned the connotation of macro in photography terms.

it's being part of the big picture, but never really clear.

it's being there, and being not there at the same time.

it's thinking you mean something, but you actually don't.

And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, family, feelings, friends, God, happy, notes, pissed, prayers, rants, school, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
6:18 PM

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

just a little too late.

I really thought I was over it, but I'm not.

and I don't think I ever will until we get this conflict resolved.

to whoever is concerned (you probably know who you are):

am I supposed to take your classical as mine cos you took the electric as yours

because I really don't know what can keep our friendship and fufil our desires.

-----

Wuyue: I'm sorry for starting our day off so unhappily. Sleep deprivation does that to me. Extreme moodswings + really disconnected thoughts. There's a lot of things I haven't told you, that I need to tell you. Because I really can't keep it to myself anymore.

Kellie: Sorry for watching my unglam moments today /: Now you'll remember how horrible I look when I cry ): and hey, thanks for cheering me up. ILY, yeah?

Amanda: Thanks for going home with me :D LOL.

alrighty. don't feel like posting much today.

not in a good mood. don't think i'll be in one soon.

shall finish geog and do quiet time.

i need some time with God.

Labels: /:, clique, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, goals, God, homework, notes, pissed, rants, school, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
9:06 PM

Saturday, July 25, 2009

send my love to the stars

i'm sorry i haven't been posting much.

it's been late nights and long days this week.

my twitter's probably more active than my blog now.

at least there it's more bite sized pieces of epiphanies.

here i have to type everything out in long superfluous sentences like this one.

went jogging this morning.

refreshed my mind loads.

i guess i kinda miss going back to nature.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, happy, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
10:31 PM

Friday, July 24, 2009

carousel

because sometimes, just sometimes, we want to feel a little love.

i guess i'm just a little jealous right now.

it seems a little too childish, and a little immature.

but i can't help but want to be a little foolish,

to think that the whole world can revolve around me sometimes.

Labels: /:, crushes, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, Tom Felton, wants

written on
11:36 PM

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

felthearts

the thing about sharing a crush,

is that no matter how much you love the guy,

you'll be thinking about how much the other person loves him,

and how you're not loving enough.

make that 10 times worse when the other person is your friend.

yes. i guess that's jealousy.

add that with a dash of broken-heartedness.

Labels: /:, crushes, emo, friends, rants, Tom Felton

written on
9:50 PM

through the looking glass

there are times where i feel like i'm looking through a glass:

sometimes it's a window, where everyone's in the house,

while i'm outside alone, in the rain.

sometimes, i'm looking through a rounded glass, kinda like a fishbowl,

and everything that i see comes out distorted and wrong.

sometimes i'm looking through a magnifying glass,

with everything looking like misfits.

sometimes i'm looking through tinted windows,

unsure of what i'm supposed to make out of it.

sometimes, it's frosted glass,

and i'm wondering why i was trying so hard to see what's on the otherside.

i'm sorry for the horrible grammar.

i'm just a little past caring about the people who are reading this.

because, afterall, they never bother to leave a tag.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, notes, random, thoughts, tired

written on
7:00 PM

Monday, July 20, 2009

blind spot

so sometimes when we think all hope is lost,

something happens to make you think 'why didn't i see it earlier? it's too late now'.

the thing is, it shouldn't be "why didn't i see it earlier", it should be "why didn't i focus on it".

because sometimes,

we stare at things without looking,

say things without considering,

act without thinking,

die without living.

sometimes, all we need is to focus on the details.

just the details, not the fine details.

because sometimes, focus too much and you'll be more miserable.

because life is just a cruel twist of fate.

(like a telephone wire, spinning you round)

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, notes, thoughts, tired

written on
9:30 PM