fight of faith (♥)

i really don't know what to say.

it's not the first time such things happened.

it's not the first time i saw everyone try their best.

everyone except me.

i didn't even break a sweat, how am i supposed to believe that that's my best?

i don't know.

seriously.

after the first match, i didn't know what happened to me.

i wasn't demoralized. hell, i wasn't even sad.

i was feeling pathetic for myself.

wondering what the fk happened to believing in myself.

wondering what the fk happened to my beliefs.

head over heart.

ha.

never happened.

never will.

i don't know if you noticed,

but i realised it was just the team, and me.

two separate entities mistook as one.

when ziyi was speaking to the team,

i felt fking extra.

like i wasn't supposed to be there.

like i was there because of some serious mistake.

i seriously don't know.

to ziyi, rason, dawei, adalric & kaiseng:

thanks for being there, training us and all that stuff.

i'm really sorry i didn't perform well at all.

that i didn't give it all that i had.

that even though i knew crying wasn't going to solve anything,

all i wanted to do was to run away and hide.

thanks for being my friend.

-----

hey you.

i didn't know whether you were talking to me.

whether you were trying to comfort me or the team or whatever.

or trying to see how unglam i looked when i cry.

so in case you were talking to me,

thanks.

-----

feeling like shit and i just want to rot and die now.

bye.

written on
10:06 PM