fight of faith (♥)

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

180 turn

i realised it's not deleting as in complete wipe out.

it's like sending it to the recycling bin; locked away at some tiny corner.

i shall not confuse myself any further.

(stick to your conclusion, girl.)

doing treasurer stuff now.

my life is as screwed as the sums ._.

Labels: feelings, school, thoughts

written on
11:37 PM

happy :D

i realise i'm happy today, lol.

a bit late but yeah.

conclusion?

- mcflurry makes a happy christine :D

(and then i have to run to lose the calories -.-)

resolution: no more mcs this week! D:

(it's all for the future)

shall stop talking to myself now.

Labels: feelings, random

written on
10:59 PM

&so what? i'm still a rockstar d:

movie trip with lovelies next thurs :D

---

i'm basking in lyrics,

drawing out dreams,

and deleting memories.

i heart singing at the top of my lungs :D

written on
9:54 PM

flu jaaaab!

i got my flu jab.

and i'm dying of laughter cos it's ticklish.

which is weird cos it's supposed to be pain -.-

haha.

i rock injections :D

i rmb i was the only one that can still poke ppl after that p6 jab.

LOL. i'm such a sadist.

(it's simple things like this that makes life interesting)

going to facebook again :D

Labels: random

written on
7:05 PM

the answer lies in you

&faith, truth and pixie dust

(down the rabbit-hole)

give me some peace,

and stop being the cryptic in my life.

i need to talk to kellie again.

it's just easier to rant to her (:

Labels: feelings, friends, thoughts

written on
5:55 PM

Monday, March 30, 2009

the hardest part is leaving

the things deborah blogged about is so alike what i'm thinking,

but so different at the same time.

i guess that's why we connect;

why we spend most of the time in our heads;

peter and alice this sat yeah?

Labels: church, feelings, friends

written on
10:21 PM

head vs heart vs conscience vs the whole world.

got from my sis blog.

kinda true now, though.

Labels: thoughts

written on
9:08 PM

i want my own dream; so bad i wanna scream

i'm tired.

and slacking.

and kinda losing confidence for math ._.

i need my A+

raah /:

Labels: random, school

written on
8:56 PM

when photographs don't mean anything

math common test tmr D:

i know like how to do but always kena careless mistakes ._.

shall go practice and mug and stuff.

2hrs of doing assignment + talking crap with kellie was nice :D

and mcs icecream makes us high (!)

lol.

i kinda needed that ranting session to someone who understands.

promise me we'll go watch a movie next thursday?

haven't had a proper movie fix since jan, i guess.

and i miss retail therapy with 2c's loves(:

and i really don't want to care about you and _____ alr.

seriously. just forget her/him.

(yes, it applies to more than one person that I know -.-)

it's just plain irritating when you know it's over but you keep hanging on.

i wish i could break that string for you, but you're the one holding the scissors.

you'ld want a clean break.

seriously.

i like long journeys on public transport.

during peak hours, you see the true side of many people:

the people who are willing to give up their seat for others (even if it means a long standing time),

people who stare at you and expect you to give up their seat,

people who don't give up their seat no matter what,

and people who want to give up but are tied down for some reason.

(you just don't see it until you're doing it)

i realise that was kinda random.

and i realise people assume too much.

and 80% of those assumptions are wrong -.-

i feel like going to Bethel hall now.

it's the place where I sense God's presence most.

the only place where crying doesn't seem like such a "weak" thing to do.

too bad it's locked up and i can only go to cana hall.

'cept that being there alone is kinda freaky ._.

(yeah. i'm scared of being alone, not the dark T.T)

i think i've kinda lost the point of this post.

Labels: feelings, friends, random, rants, school, supernova

written on
8:10 PM

Sunday, March 29, 2009

piggy in the middle

i hate being in the middle of things that don't actually concern me.

it just makes me a reason for everything that's quarrelled about.

and it makes everything that I didn't care about more important.

so that I acutally care about it.
(when I'm caring too much about stuff alr)

and i'm thinking that it isn't me.

but i'm too far gone to not care.

i hate this feeling.

and i miss church already.

Labels: feelings, friends, thoughts

written on
11:09 PM

math/meth

(alpha+beta) = -b/a

(alphabeta)=c/a

(-b +- sqr-rt b^2-4ac) / 2a = quadratic formula

b^2 - 4ac = discriminant (D)

D>0 = 2 real & distinct roots

D=0 = 2 real & equal roots

(CANT POSTE D SMALLER THAN ZERO = NO REAL ROOTS -.-)

a(x-h)^2-k = completed square form, where (h, k) is t.p.

yay.

now on to practicing + chemical valency D:

Labels: random, school

written on
10:43 PM

we were both young

portfolio sucks.

shall do math and research for LA now.

kinda had a brainwash.

it's hard to achieve balance.

Labels: random

written on
9:00 PM

zzzWHRRRRzzz...

ugh.

my laptop is super screwed up.

and i lost every file i have ._.

thank God I backed up my FOB pics.

if not i'll cry .__.

Labels: random, rants

written on
7:59 PM

present TV. (with straw antennas)

i sucessfully crashed my laptop,

and now it has nothing left. (again.)

have to redownload everything,

and re-add my favourites.

it's a chance to reorder stuff, though.

funny how that sounds like what i'm doing to my heart.

Labels: feelings, random

written on
7:46 PM

life ain't a fairytale

i can't pinpoint the exact thought that's making me feel this way.

it's like a whole chunk of memories adding up together.

(that's why it's so hard to break down)

church today.

i can say i felt God touching my heart;

healing it, somehow.

"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted" Psalms 34:18

funny how ShunBin mentioned that during BS today.

i've been praying and praying for the people I love,

the sick, the tired, the disillusional, the broken-hearted.

i could say i didn't see God appearing; helping; doing something.

but I felt Him.

slowly, but surely,

there was less and less on my heart, in my mind.

more of God and less of humanity.

that's what I need now.

this is Alice in Wonderland, following the White Rabbit,

only to fall into a seemingly never-ending tunnel.

this is Wendy Darling, back from Never-land,

getting over Peter Pan and going back to her life.

Labels: church, feelings, friends, prayers, thoughts

written on
2:50 PM

Cos you were romeo, I was a scarlet letter

i epic missed earth hour -.-

too much on my mind.

on the bright side, there's church tmr.

(or actually, later today.)

i need to talk to God in church.

it feels different, in a way.

more close and private.

and i need to get the heavy feeling off my chest.

a bit or crying + a friend to confide + a dose of cg + a prayer to God

that's what I need.

oh, and seriously people,

get away from the stereotype that a person must like somebody to exist -.-

it doesn't have to be that way.

i'm tired.

bye.

Labels: random, rants, supernova, thoughts

written on
12:16 AM

Saturday, March 28, 2009

it's a test of faith, of friends and love

i'm losing faith,

in myself and in God.

i'm getting jealous over friends,

for no apparent reason.

i'm wishing for a little love.

&it hurts as much as every heart in my notebook.

i'm walking down memories,

reminiscising.

i'm shooting down pictures,

that never meant anything.

i'm looking at my camera,

wondering at how life seems so perfect, yet is imperfect all at the same time.

i'm noticing life,

like life notices me.

written on
2:54 PM

romeo save me, i've been feeling so alone

it's easier to believe the lie than to not believe the truth.

it's simpler to give up now than to wait till you're too far gone.

it's better to have loved and lost. (than to never love at all)

it seems like everyone is having the same problems.

life just doesn't make sense anymore.

i have friends who turn to me for help.

but i don't find anyone that i can turn to.

i listen to them, and their problems become mine, too;

but who can i talk to?

i socialize, but there's no connection between me and others.

i feel like i'm carrying too much, but who can i get help from?

God.

everyone says that. I say that.

but I keep praying and waiting,

but nothing happens. He doesn't show.

i confide to Him, but i need a human to talk to,

someone who understands;

someone who can talk to me when I need;

someone I can fall back into.

and I haven't found that someone... yet.

the 90/10 principle.

90% of life is dependant on how I react.

but how should I react?

I don't even know how I should feel now.

it's not love. that's all i'm sure of.

i'm clinging on to something that's foreign to me.

something that keeps me sane now.

something that I know isn't good in the long run.

but is short term bliss worth the long term sacrifice?

it's more like an emotional whirlpool than a roller coaster of life.

it's like all the feelings mixed together, but in the center it's empty.

if the core is empty, is the show of emotions outside just a facade?

is life, afterall, just one big act?

is the lie better than the truth, does it hurt less? (when you know that it's just a lie)

is it truly easier to give up now? (and later find out that you gave up all your chances)

is it really better to have loved (and lost) than to be loved?

i'm starting to see less of the lie and more of the truth.

it doesn't feel good. that's for sure.

it's like tearing apart your whole world and constructing a new one,

because the old one was built on lies.

"hello, I'm your old best friend, your tailor and the person you'd share late night messages with. Until you started to fall asleep and until I started letting you slip between my fingers. I want to love somebody. I might, I might not.

Like you might die in a plane accident, get knocked down by a car, jump out a window or get run over by a train tomorrow or the next day.

Or I might not.

I think I'm starting to see where "it's better to be loved than to love" fits in. But I want to love someone. I won't, I will. I really don't know anymore. I was convinced I would. Now, I don't think so anymore. Because and I'm selfish and if I don't love, you don't get to love either, my future lover or none. I'm sorry if you aren't satisfied with that answer.

Sometimes, I wonder what it's like to be loved.

Sometimes, I wonder what it's like to love."

i quote Deborah, because I couldn't put it into words better.

&is this all in my head?

i don't know what to think.

in case you were wondering:

http://gleez.com/articles/management/the_90/10_principle

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Winter's_Tale#Synopsis

http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-story-lyrics-taylor-swift.html

Labels: feelings, thoughts

written on
1:31 PM

Thursday, March 26, 2009

why bother with titles o.o

ugh.

why don't teachers just go contact each other -.-

now i have no idea whether i'm going to the play tmr.

and whether i need to bring a change of clothes.

wth.

sian.

need to do chinese

and math.

bye

Labels: rants

written on
9:56 PM

plain bored

spent the afternoon playing facebook,

changing class blog template a bit,

and just plain relaxing.

and now i remember i have to go polish boots -.-

i kinda felt jealous.

even though i knew she would never.

you're a chance taker, heartbreaker;

got me wrapped around your finger.

and i don't want that to happen.

Labels: feelings, random, rants

written on
8:34 PM

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

you'll be the prince & i'll be the princess

i constantly need to remind myself to stop dreaming.

cos life ain't a fairytale, and wishes just don't get fufilled.

my heart ain't answering to my head.

i'm revelling in memories of the past,

pondering over the obstacles i've faced,

wondering whether i should have chosen the other way.

that's just life, ain't it?

a big round-about-

you always wind back up at the start no matter how far you go.

Labels: feelings, friends, thoughts

written on
8:33 PM

it's a love story , baby just say yes

love the song.

taylor's pretty.

but i like the guy more.

blogger makes me blog like a noob.

i miss livejournal a lot now ._.

Labels: lyrics

written on
6:46 PM

&it started out with a kiss

humans are just plain selfish.

i've learnt that the hard way.

sch was kinda boring today.

lol.

geog was kinda screwed.

and my heart's not quite in it's place.

my phone's shuffle is bent on making me happy.

playing all my emo songs. lol.

and i probably don't make sense now.

Labels: random, school

written on
6:07 PM

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

cdefgabc/chords/strum/pluck/...

i want an electric guitar badly D:

lol.

you only treasure it when it's gone.

i miss mr lim ):

he was a nice teacher. lol.

probably the only teacher that made me cry after teaching me for only 6mths.

then again,

i'm a sucker for tears.

Labels: random, wants

written on
10:26 PM

learning how to play up against the wall on guitar.

got the first 10 seconds settled.

only 3.5 mins to go -.-

Labels: random

written on
10:07 PM

up against the wall

dear girl,

get your head in the game.

stop hanging in the clouds.

stop dreaming.

your heart's getting as screwed as your head.

so breathe in now,

and breathe it out.

the forecast, a carcrash.

it's looking like another breakdown;

rebound.

this could be my last goodbye

you crossed your heart i hoped to die

Labels: lyrics, notes

written on
8:48 PM

let's spend tonight on top of the world

i find my myself getting lost in your eyes.

when our eyes lock,

my heart seems to run at an accelerated rate.

that's when I find myself falling way too deep.

that's when i know I have to stop and get out,

but it's too late.

that's why i don't dare to look at you.

i have no idea why I even try to make my posts sound chim on blogger.

it just doesn't feel natural anymore.

livejournal was much more private.

Labels: feelings, thoughts

written on
6:10 PM

Monday, March 23, 2009

sleepy -.-

yay.

finished mugging math.

nights.

Labels: random

written on
11:06 PM

someone, call the doctor

today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

spent most of breaks with amanda and huijun <3

nothing much to post, i guess.

i kinda buried my heart somewhere.

Labels: school, thoughts

written on
7:23 PM

Sunday, March 22, 2009

wants

http://www.zink.com/TOMY-Xiao

aw.

i want one.

partially because pete wentz has one,

but mostly cos polaroids are too expensive.

hell, i havent even tried mine out yet ._.

Labels: wants

written on
7:57 AM

retail therapy

i'm cancelling my shopping trip at city hall because it's too time consuming ._.

hell, i thought zone comp ended at 5,

and now it says ends at 7.

damn.

shall shop at tm then.

need to get presents.

stat.

happy birthday ziyi :D

Labels: random, rants

written on
7:49 AM

Saturday, March 21, 2009

you've got all my love tonight

ranc'09.

through year 1 and being treated like noobs,

through year 2 and doing all the saikang,

through jnco;

we've stuck.

let's just stick through tmr and do our best.

i don't really care for the results.

just don't break ourselves apart.

(i've lost too much in the past week)

Labels: sj, thoughts

written on
9:27 PM

brain dead is an understatement

i realised this isn't as much about life as it is about pride.

we just want to be better than the rest.

friends don't matter.

family don't matter.

all we want is to win and get the glory.

life shouldn't be this way.

but it is ._.

dying in the piles of chinese.

i miss lj cuts.

stop daoing me please?

Labels: /:, friends, thoughts

written on
4:03 PM

a note to a friend

hey love,

this isn't an obsession anymore.

it's turning into a compulsion.

a must.

stop girl,

before you go in too deep to get yourself out.

know your limits.

know his limits.

don't lose yourself in this confusing world.

(don't follow me.)

Labels: friends, thoughts

written on
2:48 PM

jeez.

friends make friends feel better.

chew on it.

Labels: /:, random, thoughts

written on
2:06 PM

and all i'm saying is

weird dream last night.

(not that I had much sleep)

dreamt that I went to camp at some ulu forest place,

then the dorm was damn pretty and clean o.o

and it was like some sort of farm or sth.

then have thunderstorm and i went to a shelter place,

and eisabess was there and explained to me some lightning thingo o.o

in short,

overdose of plain truth and twilight before sleep.

doing hw now.

idk how to do chinese ._.

Labels: /:, random

written on
11:01 AM

Friday, March 20, 2009

hole in the pocket

i need the price of a topman/new urban male shirt .__.

you guys owe me big time for bday presents.

ESP xl -.-

and may your black eye get better :D

Labels: random

written on
10:16 PM

invisible children

we complain about how bad life is;

how we're the most unlucky, unfairly treated people;

rant about superficial stuff.

but we never really look at the rest of the world:

the orphaned, abandoned and kidnapped.

the poor, the forced, the killed.

the invisible children and others alike.

somebody get these for me (http://store.invisiblechildren.com/bracelets?___SID=U)

i want to contribute, but i can't.

fml.

Labels: thoughts

written on
8:50 PM

blaaaah -.-

updated on the other blog.

kinda used to livejournal.

and i don't think people would actually notice this one until I advertise it.

propaganda kinda sucks.

Labels: random

written on
8:42 PM

patron saint of liars and fakes

i will never look you in the eye and think you're the same person.

you're just an act that's been uncovered;

a liar that got found out.

stop acting.

it's making me sick.

Labels: /:, rants

written on
1:21 PM

Thursday, March 19, 2009

jerk.

jerkjerkjerkjerkjerk.

don't ask if you don't understand.

Labels: /:

written on
10:30 PM

indecision

back to blogger.

kinda miss livejournal though.

might end up posting more there than here.

i don't know.

depends on my mood.

whatever.

i'm off to eat dinner.

Labels: /:

written on
7:32 PM