fight of faith (♥)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

"said i'll love you forever

forever is over"

- love drunk, boys like girls (♥)

i supposed that doesn't apply to our brains, cos this holiday's all about

yep.

from stochiometry to moments to development.

christine's gonna mug hard this sept hols (^o^)

leaving for malaysia tonight, so i'll be missing:

1. std 1's first outing T.T

2. squad outing

3. AOP

4. Kbox with Haonan

5.CG girls' outing

sad ):

but malaysia means:

1. nice food

2. huge shops with nice stuff

3. cheap movies

4. pretty clothes

5. slack \o/

hahaha.

currently obsessed with emoticons and such. \(^_^)/

oh and harvest moon mfomt gba haha.

played it until the batt ran out, oops haha.

okay off to pack :D

Labels: /:, bored, church, clique, feelings, friends, goals, happy, homework, notes, photos, random, school, sj, smc1, thoughts, wants

written on
3:25 PM

Sunday, September 6, 2009

echoes

i really don't know what to do anymore.

couldn't sleep until 1am last night:

there were shivers down my spine and screaming in my head.

honestly, i have no idea what's happening, but sometimes, i wish i could just quit this whole thing.

so from 2300 to 0100 i was just lying on the bed,

tossing and turning and praying and trying to get the screaming out,

but it didn't really work and i fell asleep cos of exhaustion.

i'm really scared there'll be a relapse tonight.

missed church today cos i forgot to charge my phone in the chaos last night,

and so the alarm didn't ring.

went to tampines with family,

bought paper to make your birthday card.

i don't know how to say sorry to you,

because you really ought to say sorry to me too.

Labels: /:, bored, church, emo, epiphany, family, feelings, friends, happy, notes, pissed, prayers, sj, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
11:00 PM

Saturday, September 5, 2009

untold truths and halfway beliefs

today was semi-awesome.

training was really fun, but i'm really sorry for pissing you guys off ):

today just didn't start right.

and i really don't like people interupting me.

ah i don't know.

it's just that i think the seniors are right and everyone else thinks that they are wrong.

and i don't know how to disagree with them and still see eye to eye with them.

rt without after training rants to haonan just doesn't work out well.

and i think my love for standard ones doubled today haha.

because their popquiz answer was damn cute.

and when you strip away their irritatingness/shyness/quietness,

they're all really just who we were.

and that's pretty comforting, i guess.

(i just wish that you can see it too)

quote that stuck during FA: "YOU ALL MUST BE SCIENTIFIC OKAY?"

haha. meaning no "jaw, shoulder blade, shin" and stuff haha.

post training lunch with daniel & yongsheng:

DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER EVM UPSIZE WITH VARYING PREFERENCES

haha. aweeeeesome :D

then rushed to lido to meet kellie & pearl and watched G-force 3D

pretty good show, and Shaw is my favefavefave theatre now haha.

(+ Time traveller's wife & Alice in Wonderland with Deborah)

(+ many other awesome movies coming out :D)

then sakae dinner + extra large food hahahaha.

you have to see it to know how funny it actually is lol.

and i'm damn bloody tired now):

Labels: /:, clique, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, goals, happy, homework, notes, pissed, random, rants, school, sj, smc1, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
11:24 PM

Friday, August 28, 2009

sending my ♥ out

i'm really proud of the standard ones today.

i never knew that it was this satisfying seeing them improve beyond our expectations,

and i never knew how much i actually cared for them.

Standard ones, if you ever see this post, keep up your spirit today,

with this kind of spirit, i'm sure that you guys can achieve great heights ♥

on the other hand,

i really miss the standard threes.

i never thought that cheering was important; that just sitting down and whining to each other was important,

but these three weeks apart from each other,

it made me realise that whatever joy we get from our cadets is really different from what we get from each other.

standard threes oh nine, serve with pride|together as one (♥)

smc one, i love you guys.

even though we quarrel and fight and all that stuff,

deep down inside, i think that we make a really nice team,

and that we can tackle all problems we face, yeah ;)

many ♥s for you guys: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

one for each of us.

Labels: epiphany, feelings, happy, random, rants, sj, smc1, supernova, thoughts, wants

written on
10:17 PM

Thursday, August 27, 2009

.__.

finished cheer sheets for stds ones.

i have to get used to late nights again, i guess.

smc1 (L)

Labels: /:, sj, smc1, tired

written on
11:20 PM

Friday, August 21, 2009

O.O

i am ready to collapse now.

but damn my hair's wet.

flu + streneous activity = bad way to end day.

i need to sleep.

Labels: school, sick, sj, tired

written on
11:11 PM

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Danger of Death

I guess everything should have that warning sign.

currently still doing FA notes + feel like sleeping + giving up math assignment.

Labels: /:, homework, school, sj, tired

written on
9:54 PM

tests are finally OVER!

haha.

but now there's geog term assg and FA to chiong.

oh shit, and math ):

jiayou christine!

(i am turning zibi O.O)

Labels: happy, homework, random, school, sj

written on
8:21 PM

Sunday, August 9, 2009

slightly salted tears

i'm feeling so much better now after that good long cry.

i wasn't even crying for me, hell, i was crying for the broken hearted.

for those who were here and then left,

for those who left and came back,

for those who never said goodbye.

i haven't felt such a clear head for so long:

life's been a real bad tease these days - i always had to be the person everyone expects me to be, and i'm afraid to fall of their expectations, though i'm tempted to just blow my cover.

there's been too much deception, too many lies;

so much indecisiveness, so many wrong choices.

but now, it seems clear that it doesn't matter what everyone else says or does.

i am me. no one can change that, not the people who backstabbed, not the people who left, not even the dear voice in my head that keeps shouting the worse thoughts out.

it seems as though i killed that voice.

and i have no idea whether that's a good thing.

i kinda miss those serious heart-to-heart talks i have with xl:

the ones where i'm crying here, and i know he's there to make me smile.

the ones where i could embarass myself real bad and know he won't bring it up ever again.

the ones where i never had to pretend to be okay.

but we all have to grow up and move on, don't we?

we all have to pick up the pieces and try to fix them back together.

we all have to leave a part of us to grow a new one.

it hurts, but it's for the better, i guess.

so here's saying goodbye to the fuckers that left because they were afraid of the consequences of their mindless actions.

here's saying goodbye to those that never said goodbye.

here's picking myself up from the ground, and not looking anywhere but away from you.

i'm not sorry even if you are.

you deserve everything, it might not be coming, but i believe someday, everything would come to light.

just you wait, my dear,

because revenge was never meant to be taken directly: it comes in separate doses.

Labels: BOF, clique, emo, epiphany, fangirl, feelings, friends, goals, happy, jihoo, notes, pissed, poem, prayers, rants, sick, sj, supernova, thoughts, wants

written on
12:22 AM

Saturday, August 8, 2009

suckers

i don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it.

going out to all those that are pissing me off right now.

kudos to those who know who you are.

i hope it makes you sad.

Labels: bored, friends, notes, pissed, random, rants, sj, supernova

written on
5:48 PM

Sunday, August 2, 2009

You're my Prince of Peace

like a child letting go of a helium balloon:

we thought we had it all,

clenching the little ribboned string in our tiny fists,

thinking we'll never let go of this tiny piece of happiness in our hands.

and then something happens that makes us loosen that death clench,

and up goes the balloon, flying higher and higher and higher.

further from our grasps, rising above our heads;

losing that happiness we had.

but, like a child, we never stay sad for long - something else will distract us, all too soon.

that was POP'09.

in that five hours, our instructors left us,

but there wasn't time to feel sad because now there's instructorhood to keep us busy.

and it's suddenly all too big a responsibility.

yes, i love the standard ones, but i don't know. it's an awful load for me.

but i'll try to keep the balloon in my hands this time round.

with little, childish innocence,

(shall i view the world:)

no more tinted glasses nor kaleidoscopes.

things shall be as they seem.

no more extra imagination,

nor a little too much consideration.

no, no more.

signing off with just a little faith, trust and pixie dust.

(God be with me.)

Labels: church, clique, emo, epiphany, family, goals, photos, school, sj, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
9:55 PM

Saturday, June 6, 2009

A series of (Un)fortunate Events

what's left of me, then?

I just found out bike hike's cancelled.

for me, at the very least.

A very turn of unfortunate, or fortunate, events.

Was supposed to wake up from my nap at 5pm and leave at 5.30,

but i didn't hear my alarm ring, so i woke up at 5.40,

to find out that xinyi smsed me at 5 & called me 4mins ago to tell me bike hike's cancelled.

(because we couldn't cycle)

So here I am sitting in my room,

unsure of what to do.

I could go to the sleepover downstairs,

but I was so looking forward to bike hike that I wasn't looking forward to that,

and now I'm not really enthusiastic about going down ._.

but it would mean company in this pretty lonely world here.

oh. and I realise I'm missing band concert.

Again.

For nothing.

giving myself 10mins to decide what to do later on.

Labels: church, emo, feelings, sick, sj

written on
5:52 PM

Friday, June 5, 2009

PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ III

i'm so tired now i think i can just fall asleep typing this.

lol. anyway,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETE WENTZ 8D

my greatest love since 2007 (even though he's married and all that stuff)

haha.

Benny better appreciate that i spent this special day with them instead of editing pictures of pete.

that being said, I'll post my proper happy birthday tmr. lol.

ALDD2 was more fun than ALDD1.

and more tiring.

Benny zi-high!

haha.

AP-ed in the morning cos i was really reluctant to go to school.

i don't know why either.

._.

bike hike tmr.

sleeping now.

(i'm sorry if this post does not make any sense, i'm too tired to think well)

Labels: birthday, feelings, fob, friends, happy, sj, tired

written on
10:32 PM

Thursday, June 4, 2009

ALDD1

(annual leisure day day 1)

so yeah. that was today.

died of tiredness.

had loads of fun, though.

i love benny (:

haha.

the std1s were pretty cute.

and i realise benny std1s are all those super chirpy/cannot stop talking ones, or those super quiet ones. LOL.

Sir Kai Dick: I hope you will spend your time, no, I hope you will invest your time __(sthsth)__

died of laughter X:

i like sj activities that are not RT.

lol.

had dinner with xinyi :D

i miss going home with her like we did in year 1.

but that's how life is, eh?

we get, we lose, we cry.

-----

nineteen minutes is a rather sad book, i guess.

but i'm getting a bit bored by jodi picoult's style of writing.

i can guess the story line alr ):

the book has like everything to do with what we're studying in LA -

gun violence, bullying, prior causes, etc.

oh. and i did my laundry for the first time in my life O:

haha. yeah.

and nearly died trying to hang the clothes T.T

ALDD2 tmr.

i'm kinda looking forward to it, but kinda wish i can pon it as well.

sian.

1 hr of sims 3 before i go to sleep.

&i'm sorry if there aren't any proper updates here for the next few days.

pretty packed schedule these few days ):

and i'm so tired that i hardly have time to muse about things.

weird eh?

Labels: goals, happy, sj, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
9:13 PM

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

11.11pm. imy.

i spent tonight's 11.11pm with my family.

through msn.

i miss them.

and sims 3 is really fun. haha.

ald tmr.

i can't say i'm looking forward to it.

Labels: family, feelings, sick, sj

written on
11:12 PM

Saturday, May 30, 2009

boulevard of broken dreams

i don't know why, but everytime i come online, i'll feel like crying.

-----

so, open house today.

nothing much.

slacked, talked to some parents, sang songs, etc.

and 李老师 said me & haonan should go join the senior high dudes' band cos we liked singing so much. lol -.-

left early with my mama & bro.

went to orchard.

shopped till 6+.

died of heat & aching feet.

(amazing how that can happen when i'm shopping in sports shoes, aren't they supposed to make you feel not so tired?)

i feel proud of myself for only buying one magazine 8D

and next time, i'm going to spend my summers working in a bookshop.

there's just something magical about being around books.

i have no idea what, but i just love that feeling.

my internet's having some weird glitches.

sad life.

-----

took me 20mins to fix the internet -.-

Labels: happy, random, rants, school, sj

written on
9:33 PM

Friday, May 29, 2009

like the way we used to be

i'm feeling much better after talking a whole lot to haonan.

even though what i said to him has nothing to do with why i'm emo.

hm. emo sounds like such an easy word.

it's not even feeling sad. it's like self pity.

like thinking "i'm pathetic."

i guess Change makes me feel that way.

it's like when something suddenly goes the other direction,

not the one that i'm used to, i'll feel like i'm the one that's wrong.

because although they all say it's easier to blame others,

i tend to blame myself.

ah well.

it's over. somewhat.

i'm feeling veryvery tired.

training was kinda fun.

no mood to post now

haha.

open house tmr. nights.

Labels: epiphany, happy, school, sj, thoughts, tired

written on
9:47 PM

Saturday, May 16, 2009

benny won.

i don't feel happy about it anymore.

weird, much?

since i've put in most of my thursdays for CTs and stuff,

and had loads of fun with benny,

i guess i should be happy, shouldn't I?

but no.

when they announced "first: benedictus",

it was like. "oh. okay. now what?"

when we walked out the door,

i had to fake it.

yay! we won! i'm so happy :D

because i couldn't dampen the spirit of benny.

because i was still wearing that name tag.

the one that says team 6

the one that says i'm the leader

i don't know.

maybe you guys have never been in a case where you've put in your best,

but at the end, you don't even get a smile from those that matter to you.

because in your cases, you get the whole corp to be there.

you get all the attention.

because we don't matter enough.

-----

yongsheng, thanks for that sms.

it really matters(:

and haonan, charge your ipod touch.

haha. i'm determined to beat your scores 8D

Labels: emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, sj, thoughts, tired

written on
6:03 PM

Friday, May 15, 2009

loved today.

bball practice for interclass + final comp train.

benny, jy for intracomp tmr yeah?

i love you guys <3

Labels: random, school, sick, sj, tired

written on
11:15 PM

Monday, May 11, 2009

sims 3 or not sims 3

let's get addicted to tap tap revenge,

so we'll become fast friends.

spent most of aop playing taptap / penguin game.

which i epic failed ._.

I SHALL TRY HARDER NEXT TIME?

haha.

then ate lunch at mcs with sqdmates,

met family at tampines popular.

bought alotalot of stuff.

and shopped like anything O:

spent like $142 in total at popular?

haha.

MY RECEIPT LONGER THAN YOURS WORHZZ CHARLOTTE!

my mama's buying me sims 3 8D

okay. actually she's giving me 100 bucks to spend cos i'm not going to vietnam with them in the june hols -.-

it's a sad life.

they're going for three weeks while i'm at home alone.

PLAYING SIMS 3.

doesn't seem like a bad idea.

until my mum went "YOU'RE BUYING A GAME?!"

okay. i guess she can't relate sims 2 to sims 3 ._.

i shall consider very hard whether to get sims 3 or not.

homework's zero percent completed.

gonna do everything after sch tmr.

yes, i rock.

Labels: happy, homework, random, school, sj

written on
9:56 PM