fight of faith (♥)

Friday, July 31, 2009

shadows and sunsets

my favourite from my new batch of photos.

love the lighting & macro haha.

shall post my flickr link after i'm done with the rest of the photos.

-----

i'll try.

Labels: clique, feelings, friends, goals, notes, photos, school, supernova, thoughts, tired

written on
9:59 PM

So thank you for showing me,

That best friends can not be trusted.

i went to school in a very good mood.

because i seriously thought that it'll be better; that friends do make life much happier.

and then the day went spiralling downhill straight after flag raising.

i guess it's just another day of being me.

the piece of the puzzle that never quite fits.

and the worse part is it really hurts trying to make myself fit/seeing people try to make me fit.

because deep inside, we all know it's not possible.

because deep inside, there's always this little nagging voice that says you're not good enough.

y'know when they say things change? they're lying.

things don't change. circumstance does.

the way things happen don't change. the people who do it; they way that they do it change.

and reactions don't change. don't learn that the hard way.

don't regret things after they happen.

i'm sorry.

i guess things would have been better if i wasn't there.

i guess sometimes, i have to acknowledge that i'm not that visible.

i guess i'm getting my prayer answered: to get closer to God. but i didn't expect to get it through broken heartedness.

skimmed through the rest of the day through lenses.

i should have paid more attention.

i should have taken the initiative.

i should have just left.

alice shouldn't have came.

-----

after school was... bearable?

had lunch with wuyue, discussed some stuff with haihua.

and then my skirt got caught by ms lee/li.

like fuck. it's my worst day ever in school, and my skirt got caught for being 2cm too short.

was i supposed to expect it? i guess so, given the day's karma.

so yeah. i got booked for the first time in my three years in dunman.

and ms lee went down into the trenches of teachers who i think are unreasonable.

i mean, other people actually get a chance before they get booked.

and wala! first time i meet her in 2 years, i had to get booked.

fucker.

then finished up Benny cards with juniors.

got a phone call from haihua saying that i was year 1 parade commander.

like woah. 5 minutes before i left school my role changed from photographer to commander.

and i couldn't stay to practice.

and i really don't want to screw things up tomorrow.

i've screwed up enough today.

took the mrt with wuyue.

didn't talk much.

didn't feel cheerful enough for idle chat.

doesn't it feel like life's too short to waste it on such stuff?

that sometimes we should just let go of more things and go a little crazy?

that sometimes, that all we need to do.

i guess i learned the connotation of macro in photography terms.

it's being part of the big picture, but never really clear.

it's being there, and being not there at the same time.

it's thinking you mean something, but you actually don't.

And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, family, feelings, friends, God, happy, notes, pissed, prayers, rants, school, supernova, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
6:18 PM

Thursday, July 30, 2009

3,2,1 we're going live

ran 2.4km in 8.57

it's either i've become really, really good at running,

or the markings in the park is wrong and i'm really running 200m/round instead of 300.

hm.

shall test on the track. haha.

ah well.

i'm a free person today.

shall sleep early for once (:

Labels: bored, happy, notes, school, thoughts, tired

written on
10:06 PM

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

just a little too late.

I really thought I was over it, but I'm not.

and I don't think I ever will until we get this conflict resolved.

to whoever is concerned (you probably know who you are):

am I supposed to take your classical as mine cos you took the electric as yours

because I really don't know what can keep our friendship and fufil our desires.

-----

Wuyue: I'm sorry for starting our day off so unhappily. Sleep deprivation does that to me. Extreme moodswings + really disconnected thoughts. There's a lot of things I haven't told you, that I need to tell you. Because I really can't keep it to myself anymore.

Kellie: Sorry for watching my unglam moments today /: Now you'll remember how horrible I look when I cry ): and hey, thanks for cheering me up. ILY, yeah?

Amanda: Thanks for going home with me :D LOL.

alrighty. don't feel like posting much today.

not in a good mood. don't think i'll be in one soon.

shall finish geog and do quiet time.

i need some time with God.

Labels: /:, clique, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, goals, God, homework, notes, pissed, rants, school, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
9:06 PM

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

i need sleep ):

i am awake rushing the ACE presentation stuff while all my group members are MIA.

this is so fucking unfair ):

i could be sleeping.

Labels: bored, friends, homework, pissed, tired

written on
11:35 PM

sea salt

today was short and boring.

got separated from caris, yufeng & veron in PE by Siva,

drank honey lemon + nata - ice in recess ;)

tried very hard to stay awake in math,

had fun in finance lit. SGX ftw :D

got gl-ed by chingps in hcl,

did pairwork with leshan in chem (:

and then had lunch with amanda, pearl, huijun, wuyue, shujun (sp?)

then went jamming with wuyue. not fun cos of external influence -.-

then went home with huijun.

me wants hot chocolate + lemon meringue pie + a run near a beach/ anywhere where i can smell the sea breeze (:

Labels: /:, bored, friends, random, rants, school, tired, wants

written on
9:06 PM

Monday, July 27, 2009

pacts

short update cos i'm so bloody tired i don't know why.

if we pretend nothing happened, did it really happen?

i should take a leaf out of james harte's book.

Labels: FREAKED OUT BY BC, random, rants, tired

written on
8:40 PM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

adrenaline (sp?)

i feel thin now haha.

ran like 3km just now, and shot some hoops.

after embarassing myself horribly in front of ah bengs .__.

and now i'm stuck with doing geog.

and i'm stuck.

Labels: happy, homework, notes, random, rants, tired

written on
10:59 PM

Saturday, July 25, 2009

send my love to the stars

i'm sorry i haven't been posting much.

it's been late nights and long days this week.

my twitter's probably more active than my blog now.

at least there it's more bite sized pieces of epiphanies.

here i have to type everything out in long superfluous sentences like this one.

went jogging this morning.

refreshed my mind loads.

i guess i kinda miss going back to nature.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, happy, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
10:31 PM

Friday, July 24, 2009

carousel

because sometimes, just sometimes, we want to feel a little love.

i guess i'm just a little jealous right now.

it seems a little too childish, and a little immature.

but i can't help but want to be a little foolish,

to think that the whole world can revolve around me sometimes.

Labels: /:, crushes, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, Tom Felton, wants

written on
11:36 PM

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

just a little blissful

have i told you how much i actually like this skin?

haha.

it's still a little under construction, though.

a little tweaking of the background, apps and links.

should be done by next week.

i hope :D

Labels: happy, wants

written on
8:26 PM

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

felthearts

the thing about sharing a crush,

is that no matter how much you love the guy,

you'll be thinking about how much the other person loves him,

and how you're not loving enough.

make that 10 times worse when the other person is your friend.

yes. i guess that's jealousy.

add that with a dash of broken-heartedness.

Labels: /:, crushes, emo, friends, rants, Tom Felton

written on
9:50 PM

mask(ed)

tadaa!

new skin after forever (:

and i made it!

and because of this i have to stay back to finish up math tmr.

but it's worth it. haha.

it's still a wee bit scratchy.

gonna improve it tmr, if i have the time.

signing off,

christine(:

Labels: happy, homework, random, wants

written on
9:13 PM

through the looking glass

there are times where i feel like i'm looking through a glass:

sometimes it's a window, where everyone's in the house,

while i'm outside alone, in the rain.

sometimes, i'm looking through a rounded glass, kinda like a fishbowl,

and everything that i see comes out distorted and wrong.

sometimes i'm looking through a magnifying glass,

with everything looking like misfits.

sometimes i'm looking through tinted windows,

unsure of what i'm supposed to make out of it.

sometimes, it's frosted glass,

and i'm wondering why i was trying so hard to see what's on the otherside.

i'm sorry for the horrible grammar.

i'm just a little past caring about the people who are reading this.

because, afterall, they never bother to leave a tag.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, notes, random, thoughts, tired

written on
7:00 PM

Monday, July 20, 2009

blind spot

so sometimes when we think all hope is lost,

something happens to make you think 'why didn't i see it earlier? it's too late now'.

the thing is, it shouldn't be "why didn't i see it earlier", it should be "why didn't i focus on it".

because sometimes,

we stare at things without looking,

say things without considering,

act without thinking,

die without living.

sometimes, all we need is to focus on the details.

just the details, not the fine details.

because sometimes, focus too much and you'll be more miserable.

because life is just a cruel twist of fate.

(like a telephone wire, spinning you round)

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, notes, thoughts, tired

written on
9:30 PM

Sunday, July 19, 2009

tired. and going to sleep soon.

haven't been posting much nowadays.

nothing much happened.

today was interesting.

shall not tell you why.

haha.

and i didn't touch my homework this weekend ._.

written on
11:47 PM

Saturday, July 18, 2009

whyohwhy

i tried creating my own skin.

after 3 hours, i realized that i don't know how to make the background extend to the posts.

this is so saddening.

Labels: /:, random, tired

written on
10:22 PM

Why, love, why love?

y'know, when people say they want to find their other half,

the person who makes them feel complete,

the one that connects with them,

does it ever occur to them that maybe they're just finding temporary satisfaction?

i mean, why spend half your life finding this person,

living like a stalker, making failed connections?

what if your other half doesn't fufil all the conditions that you set?

what if your other half doesn't think you're their other half and is searching for who they think their other half is?

what happens to you then?

then again, with all the falling in and out of love stuff going on everywhere,

what do their other half actually means to people?

why, then, do they keep going on about finding their 'other half'?

chew on it.

Labels: /:, epiphany, feelings, notes, thoughts

written on
6:22 PM

avada kedavra

alrighty. promised post coming up.

HARRY POTTER DAY :D

stayed back with wuyue for her centrestage until 4.30?

died of laughter in the jamming room.

wuyue: EH how come the keyboard no sound one?

me: it's not plugged into the socket.

wuyue: KEYBOARD NEED ELECTRICITY ONE AH?

haha.

then chionged to orchard to meet my sis for dinner.

shared pepper lunch, then went to lido to buy popcorn and stuff.

got some cadbury thingo cos apparently xiamei's tickets were from cadbury.

then we went in and slacked in our AWESOME seats (:

haha. waited for like forever before the movie started.

shall not spoil it here, but i think it was an awesome movie :D

even though draco doesn't look that nice anymore):

very heartbreaking movie.

i'll watch it again.

after HP walked around borders before going home.

and yesterday was just plain boring.

other than making IC and macbeth plot quiz.

which wasn't that bad.

-----

deja vu's just this really scary thing.

it's like having images of things you've never experienced in your head,

and experiencing it later.

like woah.

if i said i saw the hocrux scene in my head while reading the book, and freaked out when i watched the movie, will you believe me?

Labels: /:, family, friends, happy, notes, random, thoughts, wants

written on
12:41 PM

Friday, July 17, 2009

i know i promised posts but i'm way too tired.

written on
11:16 PM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

harry potter was awesome,

and i'm really tired now,

and i haven't finished macbeth

and i have a test on it tmr.

blog later.

written on
11:37 PM

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

fight of faith

just go away, will you?

it's the one night i get to relax a bit,

the one night i may sleep early, and you have to choke me with responsibilities.

i'm sorry that i'm not as perfect as you thought.

but i'm only human.

-----

took my IC photo today.

now i have this weird shortish fringey thing.

which i have no idea how to tie up.

and i'm really really tired.

Labels: church, feelings, notes, thoughts, tired

written on
10:16 PM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Edward to Draco?

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE!

thanks xiamei loads for the tickets on 16th :D

watching with my sis :D

and i think it's private screening or sth haha.

6.40pm at lido 1, can't book tickets one haha.

i'm excited :D

Labels: family, feelings, happy, wants

written on
9:37 PM

Monday, July 13, 2009

princess? nah wait till you're married. (cinderella)

i want a canopy bed ):

no platform bed, no canopy bed, no pretty bed frame.

mama's excuse: "get them when you're married."

-.-

i could hate her for that.

but i'm just feeling pretty sad ):

Labels: /:, family, feelings, notes, rants, tired, wants

written on
10:16 PM

Sunday, July 12, 2009

yess!

liu yong is done!

and i'm so bloody tired ):

Labels: happy, homework, tired

written on
11:57 PM

pointed heels in my brain

whoo!

i finally finished jian bao.

left with the liu yong thing.

i'm happy!

haha.

waiting for inspiration to strike (:

and my head hurts.

like tinkerbell's kicking up a storm in it.

roar ._.

Labels: happy, homework, school, sick

written on
8:24 PM

So give me a dose of courage, and get me a shot of adventure.

so, ice age 3 with amanda, kellie and pearl yesteday,

then fleatique with kellie and deborah :D

as bugis junction says "i (heart) retail therapy"

haha(:

cleaned my room today.

it looks nice and bright now.

and i lovelovelove my heart locket.

wore it the whole of today.

haha. it's special :D

but i haven't thought of anything to put inside yet.

church tmr.

i hope service doesn't make me fall asleep X:

and L!ME with deborah & theo tmr?

Labels: church, family, feelings, God, happy, notes, tired, wants

written on
12:00 AM

Saturday, July 11, 2009

i think people who think they know me are pathetic and hopeless.

written on
6:52 PM

whoo!

i'm done cleaning my room.

haha. i never knew i had that much floor in it x)

alrighty.

now for proper homework.

Labels: happy, random

written on
6:24 PM

taking a break from cleaning my room.

i'm tired and sick ._.

written on
3:50 PM

Friday, July 10, 2009

had fun shopping today :D

pixels tmr. i'm dead beat.

haha.

Labels: happy, random, tired

written on
11:47 PM

final post before i sleep.

just finished a chinese essay.

my brain's not really working right right now.

no, that's not a typo.

i love the picture above.

it's like being free, but feeling trapped.

i don't know. goodnight.

written on
1:18 AM

Thursday, July 9, 2009

okay. quick post before i start with homework & picture editing.

IDMI's OVER!

hahahha.

i don't need to see CHARLOTTE + JIAMIN + DAWEI + ADALRIC for 10 hours a day anymore.

(i sound so mean haha)

but i think they're glad too (:

okay. i'm out to do chinese.

Labels: happy, homework, school

written on
8:44 PM

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

i'm dying of boredom.

i work too fast, and i'm sian diao now ._.

i want to go find wuyue.

Labels: random, school, wants

written on
2:50 PM

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

feeling much better now(:

wendy kinda cried herself out while i'm asleep.

and omg. i think i'm allergic to my facial cleanser.

my face's damn itchy now.

Labels: random, rants, tired

written on
9:21 PM

Undo; Unto.

i don't see how people don't see the wrong that people do to them.

and i don't see why you still mean so much to me.

i hope you know that what you do, people do unto you.

i need to connect with Christ again.

i feel a breakdown coming.

i want to be rebuilt the right way.

Labels: feelings, friends, God, notes, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
6:07 PM

oh fuck you bitch.

Labels: rants

written on
5:48 PM

Monday, July 6, 2009

i can't take it anymore.

i'm going to sleep.

and trying to find solace.

written on
11:17 PM

Late(r)

migraine prediction was correct.

panadols didn't work, and i think i might die of overdosage.

i'm trying out my sister's way of sticking the muscle ache sticker thing on the head.

no effect so far, 'cept that it burns so much that i don't feel the headache.

and there's this really bitter taste in my mouth that i can't get rid of.

is this some after-effect or something?

gah. i just want to runaway and hide in a hole or something.

it feels like there's the white rabbit repeating "i'm late, i'm late" in my head.

it's 10.35pm. not late in usual context, but i'm feeling rather sick.

there's this chinese assignment that i really have to work on 'cos it was due last friday. that's late.

there's idmi meeting tomorrow, and i have to rush some thing out. (late)

i feel like just falling asleep and not waking up; who cares if i'm late?

late; late; late.

i feel like i'm supposed to do something now, but i don't know what.

it's not something on my mental checklist.

it's like God calling me to do something, but i'm disobeying Him for human wants.

and i know i'm supposed to do something about it because i know it's not right, but i just want to rebel.

i don't like being diabolical.

i need some time on my own.

(it's the after-effects of acting)

Labels: church, emo, epiphany, family, feelings, friends, God, notes, prayers, school, sick, thoughts, tired, wants

written on
10:31 PM

i want to die.

i'm damn tired. lol.

had fun today?

haha. was pretty restricted by my kiddy parade.

lol. ah well.

i missed 6a a lot /:

transformers was great.

loved it. haha.

shia!

okay. i feel a migraine coming up.

bye.

Labels: family, feelings, friends, happy, random, sick, tired

written on
9:09 PM

Sunday, July 5, 2009

i loved church today.

youth leading was really different from usual services.

really tired now.

and i haven't even touched chinese.

i think i'm majorly screwed.

Labels: /:, church, feelings, happy, homework, random, thoughts, tired

written on
11:13 PM

i think homosexuality is such a controversial topic.

everyone has their own opinion which they think is correct.

but when you do have friends that are homosexual, what would you do?

Labels: epiphany, feelings, friends, random, thoughts

written on
9:18 PM

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Solve the equation of C = A + W + X

i feel like i'm the part of the equation that no one knows and hardly bothers to find out.

like Q(x) in polynomials.

always there, but not quite noticible.

in the know yet not known.

i feel like some character shakespeare created:

speaking in dichotomies; never really understood.

it's like losing yourself again and again, and never really finding all that you had.

it's never being who you were, it's being trapped in that maze till you die,

it's walking with God blindfolded, yet you never know He's there, and you stumble.

it's having a stroll down a dark alley in your neighbourhood at the middle of the night, you think it's safe, but you never really know what might be coming.

it's living in faith, but losing your trust.

it's doubting in what you believed in.

because you don't really believe in it anymore.

i'm sorry if you don't understand this post,

it was alice taking over wendy.

ps. christine = wendy + alice + faith, trust & pixie dust.

Labels: /:, emo, epiphany, feelings, friends, God, notes, thoughts, tired

written on
11:27 PM

i'm watching harry potter on channel 5!

haha. draaaaco!

can't wait for monday.

ice age 3 + transformers 2.

whoo!

Labels: happy, random

written on
10:11 PM

Friday, July 3, 2009

here at my side

first proper post this week.

i'm officially not sitting with leshan anymore ):

i miss talking to her during lessons.

No offence, but i still haven't found a common topic with felicia.

and there's nobody to tutor me in math anymore ._.

and i'm in the first row. but it's a can-sleep position. haha.

so not that bad (:

i'm handing in chinese late and i don't really care anymore.

but i had fun chionging with wuyue & amanda today.

photocopy machine!

haha. our new toy.

having a slight sore throat now.

spamming lozenges in the hope that it'll save my throat for tmr.

getting screened by the teachers is actually quite a scary thing.

haha. i'm getting cold feet X:

ah well.

shall brush teeth and sleep soon.

first night in days that i'm sleeping early.

yay (:

Labels: church, clique, feelings, happy, school, tired

written on
10:08 PM

Thursday, July 2, 2009

i'm tired.

procrastinating and gonna stay back to chiong everything tmr.

had a great time practicing with deborah + doing a un-needed physics journal entry -.-

sore throat now. idk why.

gonna sleep.

i feel a flu coming.

written on
11:00 PM

I'M DONE WITH GEOG!

haha. alright off to 5 hours of sleep.

xoxochristine(:

Labels: happy, homework

written on
12:43 AM

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

010709

FIRST JULY!

i'm chionging geog essay so a reaaaaaaaally short post here.

great day today, didn't sleep, had la lecture LOL.

and i love wuyue :D

(even though she always makes me wait 20mins for her -.-)

Labels: friends, happy, homework, random, school

written on
11:51 PM